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Archive for October, 2010

Our life is just a journey. A journey we all must take. For some, the trip is full of adventure, excitement and thrills. For others, it is a struggle. Lack of food, perhaps lack of love or simply lost in the myriad choices we all make every day. The only constant about everyone’s journey is that everyone’s journey is different. As for me; I’ve had a great life. Two children, three grandchildren, lots of nieces and nephews, wonderful friends and a woman, my best friend that I am proud to say I have loved for nearly 37 years. Even more remarkable, she has loved me. (probably at least half the time).

In 1989 my journey nearly came to an end when I had my heart attack. Over the years I have brushed incredibly close to death too many times to accurately count. And now, it appears my journey is coming to another curve in the road.

You remember a few weeks ago when I told you about the doctor that told Denise not to worry about the long-term side effects of the drug because I probably wouldn’t be around past the 4 or 5 year mark. I was at the doctors the other day, and again, it was explained to me that I am in end stage heart failure, and without a new heart, I have very limited life opportunities. I need a new heart to live. There, I said it. Dr Kwan and company will probably become my home away from home when and if the decision to move forward is made. You’d think the decision would be an easy one. It is not. The rigors of prepping for one of those things is exhausting and painful. To compound the issue, my lungs and liver are not what they should be. They may say no. They may say ok, but it is high risk and may not be worth the risk.

In the coming weeks it will be a decision Denise and I will make. In the meantime, I am struggling. I cannot do the most mundane and simple tasks without getting very tired and running out of breath.. I can’t seem to stay ahead of the weight. Fluid continues to build, despite the strong medicines I take. Medicines by the way that make my body hurt. Ever been hit with a bat repeatedly in your arms, legs, stomach and jaw? Well, I haven’t either, but I imagine that the way I feel most of the time is the way that beat up guy would feel.

I agreed to share my experiences with you and I will. I never said it would always be witty and clever. Sometimes it’s just gonna be whatever it may be. If the doctors are right, we are in the midst of the race of my life. Or should I say the race for my life. We’ll see. Stay tuned.

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